sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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