Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
