is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
