Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
