I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
