i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
organizing the empties. That sober.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
