eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize