Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
