Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
wrigley field is MILF paradise
Ambien. No doubt about it.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Everyone says I win the strip club
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Randomize
