Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
