I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
