I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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