Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize
