I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
