We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
This house was built for laser tag.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
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