Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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