apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
