Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
