I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
