Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
