the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
