I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I didn't notice because vodka
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
