Do you still have your period?
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
