It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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