Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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