omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
