Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
