he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
