I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
