Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I am spending my child support on dildos
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
