Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
