I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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