The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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