Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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