The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
