when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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