You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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