what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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