You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
My liver just broke up with me...
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
