I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
