I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
