hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
