So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
We need to get me chipped asap
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
