i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
