Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
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