New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize