the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
the day after is always just damage control
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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