walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
