You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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