I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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