Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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