It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
