with your own penis?
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
