The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize