And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Randomize
