I've blown a few things in my day
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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