somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
handjob tips. give me some.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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