Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
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