I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize