google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
