whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Randomize
