i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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