I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
