Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize