I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize