All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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