that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
