she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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