Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Randomize
