A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
