We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
