508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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