i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
