I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
