I should be sponsored by Trojan
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
